We looked into adoption for the first time when we were having fertility problems. The issue became academic once we had our biological daughter, but there was no way I could adopt from the US:
Where I trained in psychiatry, they did lots of adoption studies in Scandinavia, where they keep track of both parents and kids. It seems that alcoholism, drug abuse and antisocial behavior are all strongly hereditary. Having a kid is a crap shoot, genetically. We try instinctively to better our odds by choosing our mates. Given the prevalence of abortions here, most of the kids available for adoption in the US come with a greater-than-average risk of problems, in my opinion.
Private adoption? Unless you know someone, you end up going to a baby broker who charges so much that the whole thing smacks of baby selling to me.
And even if you know someone, all of these "birth mothers" who change their minds can cost a lot of money and heartbreak. And other young ladies who have to be kept off booze and drugs during their pregnancy.
Another stopper: our American court system now appears to be using a form of property law to adjudicate the custody of children. No longer is the best interests of the child paramount. Now, biological forebears have "rights" to come and take away an adopted child. I shiver at the prospect.
So when our daughter told us she wanted a little sister on January 6, 1995, we looked again, and there was China. Actually, we got the Report On Intercountry Adoption, then decided on China. My issues:
Not lost in all of this is my paternal feelings toward a little girl who is not a product of my genes. This is MY baby girl. The first night we got her, I held her in my arms, bottle in hand, and she stared intently up at me as she took in the formula. She looked like she was memorizing my face. No problem there. Actually I had better early bonding than with our first daughter because with our a-daughter it was 50% from the beginning. When she is put in your arms, your daughter will be your baby girl, too.
I liked going to China. It was fun. It's not like moving to Latin America for two months, being treated like one of their citizens, and having legal complications only possible in this hemisphere (the US, as I noted above, has no grounds for smugness). It was a pleasure and a privilege to go. I would recommend doing some tourism before meeting your group at the appointed time and place to receive your children. Go, take videos, get accustomed to the time zone, then meet your daughter.
If you are even thinking about adoption, consider getting yourselves and your close family immunized for hepatitis A and B.
Even if you decide not to adopt, you'll be safer here in the US.
My advice on adopting from China: do it.
I have often been asked why I am not adopting a Native American. My answer is very selfish and I don't care. After all, I am raising this kid! I tell people that according to Bureau of Indian Affairs and tribal research a majority of the Native children available for adoption are alcohol-affected or have fetal alcohol syndrome. I certainly will lovingly raise the daughter I receive, disability or not, but I do not personally want to start with known disabilities. I have a lot of experience in this area --- I know what it's about.
Secondly, It is very difficult for a single to adopt a non special needs kid in the US --- sad but true.
Third, many tribal laws make it a real mess adopting especially intertribally.
And last, I am fascinated with Chinese culture and with these kids!
Q: "My wife and I are in the process of selecting which country we would like to adopt from, and are leaning toward China. However, I am concerned about what I have read of the link between malnutrition in early infancy and permanent mental impairment. Apparently, many of the children coming out of China are malnourished. Since we have one child already, our chance of being referred a malnourished child may be high.
I would appreciate hearing from anyone with a child from China over the age of 2 on how their children have progressed in mental development. How have language skills developed? If any of you adopted older children who are now in school, how have things gone there?"
From: owner-a-parents-china@shore.net on behalf of
Steve
Forslind
Sent: Thursday, March 28, 1996 5:44 PM
To: a-parents-china@shore.net
Subject: Re: Malnutrition Question
Put your worries right out of your mind. Both our girls are 5; you can see their pictures on our Web site as well as read all about their progress, and we've known and met dozens of older children from China. Children from China learn English at an amazing rate, and there's simply no truth to the malnutrition/mental impairment link in Chinese children, from what we've seen. One reminder; the pediatricians who have written these studies are referring to a malnourished child as related to his/her peer group; Chinese children do not have a peer group of American children when they come here. All Chinese children are malnourished *by our standards*.
Steve
Please visit our Adoption in China Web site at: http://adoptnh.org
Steve, Carol, Victoria and Brittany Forslind
From:
owner-a-parents-china@shore.net
on behalf of RTSANelms@aol.com
Sent: Friday, March 29, 1996 3:53 PM
Subject: RE: malnutrition Ques.
Hi,
We have not adopted from China but in 1990 we adopted our son from Thailand. He was five years old and has been here six years. Because of his malnutrition and lack of stimulation he has had language difficulties, receptive and expressive. He attends a resource room for reading, and is in a regular class for the rest of his subjects. He has made the honor roll all year, with A's andB's. We are very proud of his accomplishments. After he was treated for parasites he started to gain weight. He weighed just 28lbs.when we got him! I would not be afraid to adopt a child with malnutrition, I suspect most of the children there have not eaten well and I assume most of the older children will have intestinal parasites. It's amazing what food and love can do!
Terry
Waiting for a toddler referral
RTSANelms@aol.com
[Ed here. What I have heard is that the experience of Vietnamese refugee children has caused people to rethink the entire question of early malnutrition: kids coming from years of starvation simply blossoming after arriving in the U.S. My question: does the issue of early malnutrition causing developmental problems in the U.S. arise because the at-risk children's malnutrition is simply a marker for other problems?]
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