"Wisdom"
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(updated 2000/10/10) |
(philosophical humor) |
(In the beginning, there was God. . .) |
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(how it is better than you-know-what) |
(business humor; it is also an example of applied thesaurizing) |
You won't believe the results! (Can't really describe this thing) |
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--How the world works |
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(posted 2000/02/29) |
(posted 2000/02/29) |
(posted 2000/02/29) |
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Amazing use of Java!!! (posted 2002/03/06) |
(posted 2002-04-26) |
(Posted 2002/04/26) |
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(picture contains nudity) (posted 2002/04/26) |
(posted 2002-06-21) |
(posted 2002-06-22) |
Build a man a fire and he is warm for a day. Set him on fire and he is warm for life.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 30 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, and the screen splits in half with the same message appearing on each side of the screen. The message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.
AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self-destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs... no new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus. "
They were flying along when the plane started to crash. Noticing that there were only four parachutes, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out. Now with only three left, the lawyer said "Without me, the world would be dull," so he grabs a parachute and jumps out. Then the smartest man in the world stood up and said "I can't imagine what the world would be like without me," so he grabs one and jumps out.
The priest turns to the boy scout and says, "Son, I've lived my life
and I know where I'm going, so you go ahead and take the last
parachute."
The boy scout replied, "No, we can both go. The smartest man in the
world
took my backpack!"
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
